I’m known for odd transitions. Actually, I think I’m known for no transition. I find it humorous to move from serious to absurd to bathroom humor all in a matter of minutes. Tis the way my brain works – and part of what I think makes someone funny…I really want to be considered funny.
It is also not uncommon for me – with no intention of being blithe – to get wrapped up in something serious that was just told to me (I hear something and will stew on it long before I comment) only to realize that I’ve nearly missed that split-second where you need to throw in a head nod or “hmmm” or “uh huh,” in order to help the person speaking remain certain that I’m not dead. This often leads me to say quasi-inappropriate things. An example:
So-and-so spends 10 minutes speaking to me about a horrible break up with said girlfriend. My head will begin to process a number of things all at once before realizing that some comment should be made to the person about the horrible situation. Often, what comes out of my mouth is the word “cool.” But, that is inappropriate.
So, I’m breaking up my posts on God’s existence with a story that does not fit because I’ve been too tired to actually write one [a proof] up. This post will serve to keep my vast network of readers (haha!) happy.
Last night I had a charlie horse.
You know the feeling.
I was minding my own business, when all of a sudden, at about 4am, my calf muscle (and only that muscle) felt like it was being squeezed between a rhino’s behind and the ground. I groaned and felt my calf, which could be likened to touching a pulsing rock, and began the stretching and massaging process that takes away the initial shock.
As an aside…when this sort of thing happens to my wife, she begins crying out and shaking me – yelling at me to do something about her problem – like it was my fault in the first place. Much more could be said about this phenomena, but not now.
As I was lying and trying to calm down after charlie horse went away, I had this really strong desire to eat a banana. I think bananas are the only thing that will keep that horse away. In fact, I wanted the effects of the banana (ie. potassium in my muscle) so badly that I fell back asleep dreaming of a way to created a banana-injection devise so I wouldn’t have to go through the trouble of actually tasting/eating the banana. I recently realized how much I hate the flavor. Perhaps charlie horse will be here to stay after all.
What a dumb post!